Where the wind whispers

Title: The Past and The Future
Characters: Ryan Giggs/Gary Neville, implied Gary/David Beckham
Rating: PG-13
Summary: But that was all in the past now. And soon, Gary’s future would walk back through the door and every moment he and Gary had shared would be forgotten as soon as David smiled at Gary.
Words: 2,384
Warnings: angst galore, mean!David
A/N: This could be considered Dark!fic I guess. Its ending is a bit dark, but the rest of it isn’t so bad. It’s just really angsty. The timeline isn’t specific, just after David is gone and before Gary retired. I’ve had this written for a couple days and just now got around to posting it. I hope you like it <3


David was back to watch the match.

It was a fact that had circled the dressing room several times and seemed intent on making another round. The old guard knew exactly what a visit from their former number seven would include and the youngsters had a pretty good idea. While some were looking forward to it, Ryan’s eyes went to Gary immediately after hearing the news, others were less enthusiastic.

Ryan watched Gary with anxiety beginning to rise in his stomach. He wasn’t doing anything spectacular, but Ryan could tell the change in him as easily as he could read a book. His movements were more energetic now, more lively. It was like the spark of knowledge that David was here had created a new energy for Gary to draw off of.

And that was exactly it. Ryan knew the truth, he’d known it since practically the same time Gary and David had both discovered it, discovered each other. At the time, Ryan had thought he would be forgotten completely and the feelings that had been developing for Gary would just have to find a way to disappear completely.

But then David had gone, left, and Gary had been forced to remain behind. At first, Gary had been angry at nothing, his temper licked the flames of scorn into a wildfire. He was almost violent, and he was always worse towards Ryan. Ryan guessed that it was because no matter what Gary said or did, he was always kind to him. Gary despised kindness, especially when he was angry.

It had taken a few weeks, but Ryan got to Gary enough that finally he was confronted in the locker room. He had demanded to know why Ryan was not afraid of him, why he didn’t flinch away when the others would. Ryan had looked calmly back up at him and had looked him in the eye when he had told him it was because he loved him. Gary had snorted, anger deflating, before he had walked to the door. He had glared over his shoulder and informed Ryan that he had no idea what love was. Then he had walked out, door slamming shut behind him.

Ryan knew his patience was legendary, but waiting on Gary to react to continuing kindness and concern was like waiting for a mountain to move. But then the earthquake happened and Gary finally started talking to him, talking that wasn’t shouting. Sometimes he would chatter on about something that didn’t matter, or other times he wouldn’t wait for Ryan to answer at all, but at least he spoke to Ryan in a way that he would save only for him. He wouldn’t allow himself close enough to be hurt again, but he would try to let Ryan into the bubble of friendship he saved for only select people.

Finally, after almost a year, his patience had yielded a result. Gary had begun to chatter about nothing again, but Ryan had stopped him. He’d had a headache that day and he loved Gaz truly, but he just couldn’t handle him that day. Gary had surprised him and had given him a grin. He’d asked how long he would have had to go on nattering about over stupid things before Ryan would say something. Ryan had been aggravated and annoyed just enough to cause him to reach over and wind his arm tightly around Gary’s neck. Gary had gotten out of the gesture after a few seconds of struggle and had smiled, genuinely, and pecked Ryan on the cheek. It was a small gesture, but Ryan considered it progress.

Every moment they had shared together after that, Ryan could remember most of them. Sometimes others were hazy, perhaps he had imagined them, but he could remember that they had had sex a year and a half after David had left. He could remember the many times he had gone to Gary’s house, or he to his, and spent the night. Kisses were an infinite number between them, touches were the same. They had been sloppy at first, committed in haste and without purpose other than their initial desire. Now, they were refined and finessed, perfected to cause pleasure and reveal emotions between the both of them.

Ryan loved Gary now more than he loved almost anything. It was his curse as much as it was his salvation.

But that was all in the past now. And soon, Gary’s future would walk back through the door and every moment he and Gary had shared would be forgotten as soon as David smiled at Gary.

He knew better than anyone exactly how much Gary still loved David. He knew better than anyone how much Gary still lusted after David. While he may not have known David’s intentions or motivations or hell, even his thoughts, he could guess. He knew that David had never wanted to leave Gary behind; Gary had told him that David had even tried to make it work with phone calls and letters, but it never had. Ryan knew just how thin the ice was getting between his feet and the dark empty lake below.

Ryan would drown soon; this match was only a stay of execution before his lungs would fill with cold, icy water and he would never resurface again.

It was over soon, too soon, and no matter how much he tried, Ryan couldn’t keep his eyes off Gary. Gary. Gary was the same person whose steps had floated around the pitch, whose whole persona had changed to being almost jovial.

Ryan wanted to cling to him, to beg him to not leave him and go and see David, but that was selfish. Ryan knew what he wanted, but knew that he would never have it because Gary needed to see David so badly. His heart was being crushed under the weight of ever-growing sorrow and there was nothing he could do to stop it. It was hopeless.

Gary showered and dressed in record time, not once ever looking back to see if Ryan was there or how he was or anything. Ryan had come close to accepting the fact that he would never shine in David’s omnipotent shadow.

Ryan allowed Gary to go without ever saying a word. He could not bear knowing that his replacement, the same person he had allowed himself to believe that he had replaced years ago, was just a few rooms away. He would let Gary go first, let them have their reunion, and then he would go up and join them for the final confrontation that really wouldn’t be a confrontation at all. Ryan would be informed that while Gary was grateful for everything he had done for him, his heart was truly David’s and always had been. He would accept it sadly, but there would be nothing he could do about it, and he would leave them to be what he always knew they were: lovers.

The walk upstairs felt like miles over burning shards of glass instead of yards of concrete steps. Every step further weighed his heart and equally thinned the ice further. The darkness of the lake was growing beneath his feet and nothing or no one was pulling Ryan back from the breaking point.

Inside the lounge, David had already made Gary laugh. That was something Ryan had taken months to figure out how to do.

David had his arm around Gary and was telling him a story of being in Spain. Ryan had had to have months to get to touch him, almost a year before he had been able to shut Gary up so that he could speak. David had accomplished both in minutes.

David looked up once the door had shut and his smile had grown cold. Oh how strange it was when the past met the future, Ryan thought and moved to pick up a bottle of water. He would not engage both of them; he would not end his relationship with Gary willingly. He would make them do it, if they would even bother to remember him at all.

A body came to stand next to him and Ryan recognized the smell of expensive cologne as David’s. So, it would be the past and future lover to break them up instead of the man himself. Dully noted.

“Thanks for watching out for him for me,” David started politely. Ryan heard the condescending tone and the ice in his voice.

“Thanks for abandoning him for me.” Ryan replied, amazed that he had kept most of the bitterness from his voice.

Ryan looked over to David and the ice had reached his eyes.

“You are his past Ryan. He was always meant for me.”

Beneath his feet, Ryan could hear the distinct crack of ice. “What was I then? The person that held his hand while you were off doing God knows what?”

With a small sneer, David replied. “Yes. I thank you for that, but you don’t need to do it further.”

“But I will. He needs me.” Ryan swallowed but David ignored him.

“Allow me to rephrase. You won’t do it further.”

“You can’t stop me from being his friend.” Ryan stood straighter, determined that he would still hold some part of Gary for himself. He could love him as a friend; that would be something, anything other than this.

“No, I can’t.” David agreed and shrugged a shoulder. “But he can.”

With one last smirk, David turned to return to Gary’s side and left Ryan standing all alone. Ryan watched David’s hand touch Gary’s shoulder. With one final crack, the ice finally broke and Ryan plummeted into the dark water below.



‘Ryan, pick up the phone. You can’t be sick enough not to answer the phone. I don’t care if you sound like you have the plague, it would be nice if you could at least talk to me.’ A heavy sigh. ‘Fine have it your way. I wanted to share my good news with you, but since you won’t answer… Goodbye Ryan.’

‘Ryan? It’s your mother. You haven’t answered any of my calls lately, I’m getting worried. Call me back soon. I love you.’

‘Ryan, it’s Gaz again. If you don’t answer the phone I’m coming over. Your mother even called me worried about you. Answer now or I’m coming over. Alright then, I’m on my way. Don’t even try locking me out.’



The first thought Ryan had when he saw Gary was that he had actually died and that Gary was going to take him away. He wasn’t sure if that was heaven or if it would be to hell, but he wouldn’t have minded so much either way so long as Gary stayed with him.

It wasn’t until Gary had smacked him across the cheek to revive him that he realized he was still very much alive and there was a stinging sensation across his cheek.

He blinked awake and recognized the look of relief on Gary’s face.

“Thank God.” Gary leaned down and hugged him tightly with a look of deep concern on his face. “Don’t ever fucking do that to me again.”

Ryan swallowed thickly. His thoughts were muddled but the confusion was evident. “Do what?” he asked hoarsely.

“You can’t ever leave me Ryan,” Gary replied and pulled back. For probably the first time ever, Ryan saw the broken look that Gary was trying to hide in his eyes. “You can’t. I need you too much.”

“Need me? Don’t you mean need David?” Ryan asked with bitterness overflowing in his words.

It was Gary’s turn to look confused. “What are you on— What?”

Ryan looked away and his eyes briefly caught the empty bottles of booze he’d drowned himself in for the past couple days.

“Ryan, I love you. Sure I love David too, but that won’t ever change. I’m not ‘in love’ with him. But I was in love with you, at least until you tried to leave me like this.” Gary didn’t release his hold on him.

He looked into Gary’s eyes and saw the concern in them. “You aren’t…with David…?” Gary shook his head and Ryan’s muddled thoughts grew even hazier. “I don’t understand… He said… I thought I lost you. You didn’t want me.”

“Oh Ryan,” Gary’s exasperated tone was the only thing Ryan had time to register before Gary stood and lifted Ryan up. “I’m going to call your mother and tell her you’re okay so she stops worrying. Then I’m going to sober you up. And once you are having the hangover from hell, we are going to talk.”

Ryan merely grunted in reply and leaned back into his sofa. Already his head was swimming, and not just in confusion either.

Gary turned to face the window while he made the call to Lynn. It was only several moments later before he returned to Ryan’s side.

“Ryan, I love you. If you ever think of leaving me again, I will find some glue and glue you to my side so that you can’t. Understand?” Ryan didn’t reply but Gary didn’t care. It seemed that they had reverted back to not having to have him answer. “I realize I did some things wrong, but who doesn’t fuck up every once in a while? But you can’t leave me, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Ryan looked at his hands in shame.

“I do Ryan, I really do. David is all in the past. All he will ever be again is my friend. I want you.”

With wary eyes, Ryan looked up at Gary’s face. He saw the honesty and nodded. “I believe you. I want you too.”

Gary smiled; it was forced, but it was a smile. He leaned over and kissed Ryan softly on the head. “Let’s get you sobered up. You have training tomorrow.”

Ryan groaned and Gary laughed at him.

Maybe he hadn’t lost Gary after all. Maybe he was Gary’s past, present, and future. That was a nice thought, Ryan nodded to himself. He was sure that he was going to need lots of nice thoughts to get over the headache that was beginning to throb inside of his head.

Maybe Gary needed him as much as Ryan needed Gary.