Where the wind whispers

Title: The Eternal Heartache, Chapter 38 of 39 (The End! Almost… D:)
Characters (this part only): Cesc Fabregas/Iker Casillas; Pep Guardiola/Raul Gonzalez, Bojan Krkic, Lionel Messi, Vicente Rodriguez, Sergio Ramos, Fernando Torres, Alexis, Gerard Pique, OFC
Rating: PG-13/R-ish {STRONG language!}
Words: this part: 3,292; overall total: 94,373
Warnings: There is one VERY ambiguous reference to sexual assault/rape if you squint hard enough. I’m warning about it cause I don’t want to trigger anyone intentionally.
A/N: This is the last chapter (apart from the epilogue). :’( It’s over…almost…like, really over. ;-; *ahem* Emotional bit aside, I really do hope you guys have enjoyed this story. I really do appreciate the support and the comments, always the comments which introduced me to so many people over the course of the two years (almost three D:) that it took to write this. I’ve made many friends because of this story and I really am glad for that. All of you are incredible and amazing in different ways and I love all of you <3 I’m really sad to see this story ending, but at the same time, happy because this is the longest thing I’ve ever written and for it to have been so well received, well, you have no idea what that means to me :’) So what I really want to say is: if you’ve read this and commented on it, or even if you’ve just simply read it, I really really am grateful. I do hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And now, I present, the final chapter.



Last part here. All previous parts listed here.


Standing at the bottom of the modern building that Iker lived in, Cesc looked up at stared at the numerous windows along the surface of concrete and iron. It was a long way up to the floor on which Iker lived, but it felt much further than the several floors that it was. It felt longer than a mile, further than the other side of the sea. It took him several minutes to find the courage he had thought he had on the way over from the Plaça before he even took the first step towards the building.

Sweat glistened on his palms in the elevator. Apprehension raced down his spine as he raised his hand to knock on Iker’s door.

Then he remembered what he had realized and Cesc let his eyes fall shut and he took a deep breath. All he heard in those few seconds was the sound of his breathing, slightly quicker than normal from his anxiety, and his heartbeat, steady and loud when he focused on it. At the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door, Cesc opened his eyes slowly and looked at the door in front of him with his mind clear of thought. It would be alright, he told himself. It would be alright.

The door opened and Iker stood in the doorway. His surprise faded to a frown before he moved into the hallway a little and scanned the corridor quickly.

“Cesc, what are you doing here now? It’s a Thursday!” Iker whispered harshly and Cesc ignored the urgency in his tone.

“I just need five minutes with you, if you can allot me that.” He replied shortly.

Iker watched him warily before nodding slowly and stepping back inside his flat quickly. “Very well. But you only get five minutes cause she’ll be here soon. She can’t see you.”

Cesc took a calming breath to quell his rising anger and moved forward into the apartment. Nothing had changed since the last time he had been in here; everything was the same. It was comforting and strangely odd as well. After all, couldn’t some things change?

Cesc chewed on his lower lip and turned to look at Iker. He studied him for a moment and would have continued to do so for longer if Iker didn’t suddenly hold his hands out to his side and gave him a questioning look.

“What? What do you want? What’s so important?” He asked quickly, looking at the clock.

“Iker…” Cesc cleared his throat, swallowed, and tried again with more purpose. “Iker, what’s my favorite color?”

Iker’s expression changed from confused to having his eyes narrowed in thought before he shrugged. “I don’t know, red?”

“Green, actually. What’s my favorite song?”

Iker sighed heavily. “I don’t know. Fuck’s sake Cesc, we can talk about these things tomorrow. You need to go.”

Iker had moved closer towards him and tried to usher him, or at least corral him, towards the door. But Cesc wasn’t going to play that game. He side-stepped Iker’s hand and looked the older man in the eyes.

“That’s the thing Iker, isn’t it. You don’t know anything, do you?”

“Now what are you talking about?” Iker asked with another sigh. His hand dropped as he realized that Cesc wasn’t going to be made to go towards the door without having to say what he wanted.

“All you do is follow rules, stupid rules set up by your father, blindly so that you won’t be disinherited. You’ve said yourself, many times, I’ve listened to you rant about it when I’ve come over, that you don’t like those rules. You don’t want to do them. And yet you do. Why? Why do something if you don’t like doing it?” Cesc asked, trying to see Iker’s eyes.

Another sigh. “Because.”

“Because why? Because he tells you to? Because you really love money that much?”

Something dark flashed in Iker’s eyes, but Cesc was unafraid. He had faced fear many times; this wasn’t going to be one of those times.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Iker replied, turning back to the little kitchenette. “I think you should go.”

There was a pause. As Cesc watched Iker pull a bottle of wine from his storage collection, Cesc hesitated. He could go now, and come back another time to finish this when he could say as many things as he wanted without fear of being interrupted. He could scream if he liked. He could throw a tantrum, say hurtful things, and walk out in a great swirl of slammed doors and hurt feelings. He could do, but that would mean he would have to come back. And who goes to break up with somebody in two parts, two acts because it was bad timing on the first?

No. No he would stay. He had to finish this now, before any more time was wasted.

“Iker, you did nothing but use me.” Cesc’s words hung in the air; they were flat, unmoving but still able to cut past the shield Iker used of turning his back on Cesc.

He turned and looked over with narrowed eyes. “I used you?”

Cesc nodded. “For sex, for company. Mostly for sex. You treated me like I was a—well, like I was your prostitute, except you never paid me.”

Iker’s eyebrow rose. “Is that what you want? Is that why you came? A payment?” He scoffed and Cesc’s anger rose another notch.

“No! That’s not why I came, but thanks for thinking I would ask you for money. I really would be a prostitute then!” Cesc said loudly.

“Then what do you want Cesc? Tell me then get out.” Iker sighed and leaned against the counter.

Cesc stared at him for another moment. “You really don’t care what I have to say do you? No matter what I tell you now, you won’t care enough to remember it later, will you?”

Iker shrugged his shoulder. “Depends if anything you have to say is worth the effort to remember it.”

“You’re a bastard, you know that?”

“I’m my father’s son.” Iker replied immediately.

“Who is he anyway? Who is the one that makes such glorious rules for his only son to follow?” Cesc replied, not really caring of the answer. Secretly he hoped he dragged this out long enough for Iker’s fiancé to come back and Iker would have to find an excuse as to who he was and why he was there.

“My father is Jose Mourinho. I doubt you’d know him.” Iker replied, coldly.

Cesc stared. All of a sudden a few things clicked. Immediately, Cesc desired nothing more than a shower and something to scrub away the disgust he now felt.

“So you do know who he is,” Iker said simply. “I’m sure I don’t want to know how.”

Cesc shook his head and coughed a little.

“It makes perfect sense now.” At Iker’s quizzical look, he continued, “why you act like your head is shoved so far up your arse sometimes.”

Iker’s eyes narrowed more but Cesc ignored them. He moved closer to the kitchen counter where Iker was standing and he laid his palms flat against the counter. He glared into Iker’s cold dark eyes and spoke in a quiet but still angry tone.

“Well I hope you and Daddy dearest have a nice time together. Because you know what? While you’re busy following the old git’s rules, I’ll be out having a life. And my life will be absolutely perfect, know why? Because you won’t be in it. You won’t have a say in what I do anymore and I won’t be put on your schedule, in your time, because I won’t even be thinking about you at all. And you, you’ll be living the life your dad plans for you and having to marry people you don’t love all for the sake of money and a name. You are just as heartless as he is if you could do that, hurt that many people, and not bat an eyelid.”

Iker listened to Cesc’s little speech but moved closer to lean over the counter. His eyes bored into Cesc’s and a small smirk played on his lips. Cesc had never seen him look so cold before. He wanted to shudder but he didn’t for fear of looking weak under that penetrating gaze.

“But you will think of me, won’t you Cesc? Any time another man touches you, you’ll always remember my hands on your hips, my fingers inside of you, my cock fucking you. You’ll want to say my name, and you might, because you will never forget that it was me that took you the first time. You’ll never forget my eyes, my face looking at yours. You’ll never forget me no matter how hard you try.”

His tone was detached and very, very cold. His eyes had no warmth in them and this time, Cesc did shiver. Iker smirked at him and stood up slowly, smirk growing ever larger.

“Well that explains a lot.”

Cesc jumped at the voice and Iker’s eyes widened almost comically. Both he and Cesc looked over to the door where a woman, the same one Cesc had seen at the football match, stood holding a bag of shopping in the doorway. Her eyes were focused on Iker, but she did glance once or twice at Cesc.

“Eva, I—”

She held up her hand and interrupted. “Save it Iker. I don’t want to know.”

The woman, Eva, set the bag of shopping on the ground and shook her head. She looked at Cesc, sizing him up quickly. Cesc shifted a little awkwardly. He wondered if this was how it felt to be “found out” by the wife.

“Have you said everything you wanted to, boy?” She asked softly.

Cesc looked at Iker and realized he had nothing else to say that would have helped the situation along. He nodded slowly and looked back to Eva. “I am.”

She gave him the tiniest of smiles and offered her hand to him. “Come along then.”

Confused, Cesc shakily stepped forward. He chanced a glance in Iker’s direction and he saw the surprise and confusion on his face. He didn’t know what was going on either, it seemed. Both of them obviously hadn’t expected such a calm reaction from the fiancée, Cesc thought as he and Eva walked out of Iker’s apartment and down the corridor toward the elevator together.

Her hand was soft and cool to the touch. She had very soft hands, Cesc noticed while he swallowed nervously. He half-expected her to push him out a window or down the stairs or something. He couldn’t believe anyone would be so nice about learning about an affair.

“I’ll take you down to the car and you can have a ride home.” She said kindly and Cesc pulled his hand from hers once they were inside the elevator.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” he asked, confused.

Eva looked at him and the small smile she had held onto since a moment ago changed slightly into one of sadness and perhaps regret. “Because I know he probably hurt you. He hurts everyone in some way.”

“Then why are you marrying him?” He asked without thinking.

The small gesture would have gone unnoticed by most, but Cesc somehow was quick enough to catch the small twitch of her hand towards her abdomen and the look of sadness that crossed in her eyes.

“Because sometimes you don’t have a choice in life.”

Cesc wondered but he didn’t ask. He felt bad for her, more than he would’ve thought he would considering the circumstances. He thought he would hate her, and he probably had at some point. Back when he thought he had loved Iker. Now, now he laughed at himself for ever thinking that there was anything but very strong lust between the two of them.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized and looked at her with his lower lip caught between his teeth. He was. He was very truly sorry for what she had suffered through, for what she would have to suffer through in years to come. “But you do have a choice. You’re just making the wrong one.”

The elevator stopped at the ground floor and she swallowed sadly while looking at him before she took a deep breath and walked through the doors into the lobby. Cesc let out a breath of his own and followed after her as she walked towards the garage.

Once there, Eva looked around to see if anyone was nearby and, when she saw that there was not, she turned at rested her hands on Cesc’s shoulders. She looked him in the eyes and Cesc could see the sadness, the regrets, and the unsaid words and the ghost of want that was left by dreams that would never come to be.

“Sometimes, sometimes you don’t get a choice. Sometimes people come along and they think that they can control you because they have power and you don’t. Sometimes they do, other times they really don’t. You’re young and you still have choices. I only pray to God you don’t get stuck somewhere in a situation where you have no way out like I do now.” She looked into his eyes and she swallowed hard before continuing. “Sometimes there isn’t another way out and you have to stay in the lion’s den. But you, you have so many options. Take advantage of them now, before you can’t anymore.”

Cesc nodded slowly and continued to hold his eyes level with Eva’s. The pity and sympathy he felt for her was astounding. He didn’t think he could have disliked Iker more after the comment about him being a prostitute, but he found himself despising him even more for the way he would undoubtedly treat Eva in the future. He didn’t like it, not one bit.

Eva shook her head, seeming to pick up on his thoughts. “Please don’t pity me. I don’t need it, nor do I deserve it.”

“I’m sorry.” Cesc replied and inwardly cringed that he still couldn’t find something better to say.

Eva smiled sadly again. “Don’t be. I’ve made my own way in life and this is where I was lead. Don’t pity me.”

Cesc nodded slowly and Eva squeezed his shoulder lightly before turning and together they walked to the car that Cesc had become familiar with from his rides in it with Iker. He almost didn’t want to get inside of it, but when Eva squeezed his shoulder again reassuringly, he thought that it wouldn’t be so bad if he had just one last ride.

“Alvaro, I assume you know where to drop this boy off?”

Alvaro looked at Cesc, eyes widening before turning to surprise at the fact he was with Eva. He nodded quickly, remembering his place. “Yes ma’am.”

“Then see that you do so.” Eva commanded politely and turned to him once again. She gave him another tiny smile. “Good luck with your endeavors. I truly hope you are successful.”

There was something in her eyes that Cesc knew meant she cared a bit more about him than the polite detachment she now had in her tone. After all, she wouldn’t have acted so polite towards him if she didn’t, right? He nodded.

“Thank you ma’am. And you as well.” Cesc replied for Alvaro’s benefit and he stepped inside the car. Alvaro shut the door and Eva took several steps back.

The last thing Cesc saw of her was her sad look to her shoes before she glanced up at the back of the car. He brought his hand up to the back glass to wave to her, but she had already turned and was slowly walking back towards the door. Cesc’s hand lowered slowly to the top of the backseat and watched until the car turned the corner and she, and the garage, was no longer in view.


The sound of a soft guitar melody played from down below in the courtyard. Cesc had a little smile on his face as he watched from the floor of the balcony of the house. There was a party going on below, but he just wasn’t interested in being in the crowd for now. He was content enough to watch from up here, where nobody else was around to bother him.

He saw Sergio playing the guitar, enraptured by his own sweet music. Alexis and Nando sat nearby admiring their band’s leader’s easy way with the notes. Not far away, Gerard was holding his hands out in an expression of innocence as he called out loud enough for even Cesc to hear from the balcony “Baby, what did I do? I was only talking to her! Honest!” Cesc’s head shook with the smile turning into a chuckle as Gerard followed the girl moving away from him without looking back. Some things would never change.

Cesc’s eyes turned a little so that he could check on Bojan again. He was sitting on one of the brick walls in the courtyard with Leo and they were talking. Again. Cesc shook his head. Those two had become almost inseparable with their closeness. He equally envied and admired it for what it was. He was happy for Bojan.

Raul and Pep were mingling with the partygoers together, arms linked together as they went. It surprised Cesc a little to see them so close together with so many people around. It wasn’t exactly like Pep was a walking advocate of public demonstrations of affection, but there he was, enjoying life with his partner. Cesc did admire them that they had each other.

His heart gave a little tug but he ignored it. He wasn’t sad. He was glad that he had finally freed himself from Iker after all this time. He shouldn’t have allowed anyone the permission to hurt him that way and he was proud of himself for taking back the power and now he told himself that he was going to be in control of things. He wasn’t going to let anyone tell him what to do or try and put him on a schedule anymore. He was tired of being made to feel used and worthless. He wasn’t going to do that again.

Cesc swallowed past the sadness he felt at the little bit of loneliness he had and his eyes zeroed in on Vicente.

Chente was currently helping himself to some punch from the food table before he mingled through the crowd towards where Alexis and Nando were sitting. Something must have jerked an invisible thread because he came to a stop in a small clearing devoid of people and looked up at the balcony. His eyes met Cesc’s from across the distance and he gave him a little smile. He waved, ushering Cesc down from on high but Cesc shook his head.

Vicente frowned a little and waved again. Cesc shook his head again to which Vicente crossed his arms as best he could with a glass in his hand. Cesc sighed and shook his head but pushed himself off the tiled floor. As he wiped off his pants, he looked back to the courtyard where Vicente was grinning and tipped his glass in Cesc’s direction before taking a sip. Cesc turned and moved into the house and started down back to the courtyard.

A small breeze ruffled his hair as he came back outside and he closed his eyes for a moment. The orange glow of sunlight was warm on his skin as the eternal sun slowly sank down towards the hills that it had done for so long.